oomshi: “I’m a huge metal fan!!” I scream at the concert. My gears start to rust & I need to be oiled up. I am an actual metal fan
elsenliberator: Pros to naming your future child “Yeehaw”: You get to have a kid named fucking Yeehaw Cons: absolutely no drawbacks name your kid Yeehaw
throwitintheflames: mischeviousmeghan: thebetamale: in chinese we dont say “i love you” we say “亂倫是最好的” which means “our love has no comparison.” i think it’s beautiful What if someone tattooed this on themselves because of this post
kamukuraizuru: Tag ur great gatsby spoilers it’s only been out for niNETY YEARS
bidenette: it was the besta bynes it was the worsta bynes
highmiranda: why is slut even an insult i mean i’m getting laid and you’re not so
doglets: sext: sorry just got this text haha. do u still have a boner?
thepensivebrony: “you shouldn’t be depressed, people have it worse than you” finally, after years of searching, the person with the worst life ever is found. formally, they are granted permission to be sad. but only them. only they have earned it. no sads for anyone else at all ever
fasterfood: “dad i got accepted into harvard!!” “son im very disappointed in u. i did not raise u to be such a nerd”
danieldempsey: My dude straight loving him some nsync.
thinsiqnificant: spongebob’s thigh gap is dope as fuck
ay-drian: getting over someone you never even dated
psychoticmist: if you ever feel bad about yourself remember that george bush was once informed that 4 brazilian people were killed in iraq and he responded ‘how many is a brazilian’
uggatrip: when you try to tell someone a joke but you punch up the fuckline
likeslothstoflames: hey remember that time i got grounded because i saw my dads girlfriend in the car and then saw my dad putting the dog in the back of the car and asked why he was bringing both the dogs with us
squareclocks: kushroom: so you’re saying I can win 5 iphones every day??? and all I have to do is give my credit card number on this website I’ve never heard about??? well slam me in my tender butthole sir you’ve just got yourself a deal Slam me in my tender butthole I think I’ve just found my new favorite phrase.
dietchola: the guy who played all of the oompa loompas in charlie and the chocolate factory is named deep roy deep roy
drarna: things that everyone can agree on the earth is round dinosaurs are sick as hell scrappy doo is the single most annoying character that has ever been conceived by the human imagination followed by caillou as a close second
galifianafuck: “hey whats your zodiac sign”
bre-aking: My mom’s mother’s day gift this year is the fact that I haven’t made her a grandmother yet. You’re welcome.
zackisontumblr: sometimes i still think about that half hour of my life wasted on the kony video
paging-doctorfaggot: paging-doctorfaggot: i should have huge arm muscles by now from carrying my laptop everywhere
internetmessiah: Hello, 911? *twirls phone cord around finger* sooooo how was your day? Did you arrest any bad guys?…No you hang up first! Hello? 911?
pinkbubblylove: dootzy: this video will make your day better You were right it did omg thank you
googlehomie: ahh school… *inhales deeply* the sweet smell of a flawed education system and high stress levels
goldenclitoris: theres a difference between being “sassy” and being a huge douche canoe and i dont think some of you know that difference
chiblogger: chiblogger: GUYS HELP SOMETHING HAS BEEN TAPPING ON MY WINDOW FOR LIKE 5 MINUTES I’M SCARED TO GO LOOK oh my gOD
dadscar: “NO, HOMO!” I cry as my dear friend, Homo, ran into the burning building to save the orphans. He didn’t make it out alive. He will be dearly missed.
oli-twist: windspray: how do i get a flat stomach by tomorrow
jesusfreakinglucifer: i think everyone has that one phrase that we all use ironically but then after a while it just becomes completely unironic like i used hot diggity once as a joke and now i say it all the time im telling you ironic phrases are like gateway drugs to being openly mocked
princeruto: i’m no gynecologist but i know a cunt when i see one
gaysexinchurch: how dare u have a better body than me when i don’t work out at all